A glimpse into the female brain...

I recently read an article discussing the addiction of pornography and how it is entangling boys younger and younger. I say boys because it claimed that boys are more exposed to it. Women also become addicted, but are generally not exposed to it as much. I would like to discuss that point in the article. I do not want to belittle the addiction to pornography, however, I do want to point out how different men and women's brains are. I can legitimately say that given the opportunity, I am not that interested in seeing the naked body. Not that I do have sexual desire - but it is not in the seeing that women become aroused. Now, show me a man who compliments me, appreciates me or wants to help me become a better person - and oh, baby! Show me a man who is genuine in wanting to cultivate a relationship by doing the little things, and I will not run away. Wow- show me a man who is chivalrous - and I might just drool a little. I also think that women have addictions - just in different areas. Given a computer - what do you think that I am going to look at for hours? Shoes, purses, dresses, ooh, is that pinterest? I am stuck! It might just be a few hours. I am grateful for this. I may be naive in saying this - as I have never even had the desire to view pornography. I am happy and proud to be a woman. I am a woman who is proud to be feminine. I am one who dreams of romance - not for the sexual - but for being treated with care and tenderness and {hold my breathe} love. {ooh... is that a website with modest dresses... I might be a while..... don't wait up!}

Thrifting is my addiction....

I was driving along the other day, thinking about life, and noticed the car behind me. It had a Marine license plate, just like my Dad's. It was a CRV, just like my Dad's.... wait for it... it was my Dad! Now, I was a good 30 miles away from home... and surprise, we were both heading to one of my favorite thrift stores. {I don't think the apple falls too far from the tree, huh?}
This is why I keep coming back...
In October, I bought this little silverware caddy on a $6.99 splurge...

it was still in the box.
I sold it on ebay for $65.00



Then, I took my winnings, and bought this:

can I just say that I have never been so in love with a piece of furniture in my life! It was a steal for $130. - but it was half price furniture day, so I got it at a giveaway price of $65.

Yes, I am a thrift store addict in a not so terrible way :)

Time...

I am writing today to say that I am grateful for time. I feel like I hit rock bottom here in PA. I have my family here and that is it. No friends, very little work and a lot of time. Yet, I feel that Heavenly Father has blessed me with this time, as a way of humbling me and as a way to really seek repentance. It has been a time where my heart has changed and where I have needed to search the scriptures regularly. I am grateful for this time.... :)

bitterness kills, gratitude heals

I will admit it! I have become a bitter old maid! Yes, when I see engagement posts on facebook, I want to gag; When I hear testimonials of how great their husband is for picking up the kitchen, etc... I just roll my eyes. I have let my bitterness shadow my heart and control my actions.
I will go back a few years. I am the girl who always dreamed of marriage and a huge family. I am the product of divorce, who dreamed of a marriage without all of the fighting. It almost become this idea to me, that if I was good enough, I would be blessed with a husband.
So as the years go by, and by and by.... the bitterness has built.
It has to stop!!!
So, I have decided to be greatful for all things single! I need to recognize the great things in my life as a single person...
to begin with...
free time
the time to earn my education
flirting... shamelessly :)
never having to share a bed
no one to answer to
freedom
even as I write this, I feel pathetic writing about this.... but ...

What do you at 2 A.M.

I am having a rough night... and tomorrow, well may be rough for me. I am laying in bed, listening to my Dad, snoring in the next room, thinking "this is my life?!?" I just woke up from a dream of my former life and just can't figure out where to go from here.
What do I do? Raid Dad's candy stash {which usually is not a temptation, since it is all dark chocolate and holds no joy for me!} and blogsurf... :) what else do you do at 2 A.M.?
I am having fun, adoring lives of much more contentment than mine.... especially with the Valentine's decor {love}! When I come across this idea...
http://housetalkn.blogspot.com/2011/07/pay-it-forwardget-your-gnome-on.html
My purpose in life has once been renewed and visions of a cupid gnome are dancing through my mind....

Time

I arrived in Pennsylvania on Thursday, September 15th at around 9P.M. I insisted on unpacking the car right away as a sign that I wanted my new life to start now. Now, has now dragged on....

Inspiration... my Dad has run a 5K pretty much every Saturday that I have been here.... the pathetic thing is that I can not run a 5K yet... I am working on it. I go running around here about 2 -3 times a week.
Now, it has been good to see my family. I have loved to be able to just drop by.
I have also seen that it is also good to be able to leave....
not that I do not love them.... but sometimes it becomes too much :)
I have been substituting for a Dual Immersion Spanish School and I started working for Eddie Bauer.
I just have a little too much free time....
I am working on that.

Its amazing how life changes like that *!*

A mixture of circumstance, a little homesickness and a twinge of crazy has brought me back to my homestate of Pennsylvania.
Well, I will start with my last day in Utah. I totally planned on just packing up and leaving - but well, it took a long time to get ready. I owe a big thank you to a ward member, Carolyn, my roommate, AnnaLaura, and some good friends, Melinda and Angie. They made a number of a number of trips to the D.I., getting rid of everything in my apartment. So that by 10 P.M. my apartment was finally cleared out.

Then Melinda was generous enough to let me stay the night at her place. Oh, Melinda, it was our last night together. We have spent years living together: sharing adventures along the way.
The trip was an adventure..... my car is, well, troubled and there were times that I would think... oh, if it will just make it half way...... See, it is burning oil... and it took just about as much oil as it did gas. Seriously!!! Every 100 miles I had to put a quart of oil in.... the whole 2000 mile trip!

I left on a beautiful Sunday morning.... and really, Utah, the construction sent me off. There was a detour, then construction on the detour....Agghhh. Day one took forever.... but it led me to Lafayette, Colorado, to see my good friend Tammy and her kiddos!
Day 2 well, it was fun with the Burton Family. Oh, I had a a good time. Desty showed me local park in the morning... can I say, don't you just love playing at the park! I had a blast chasing her around, sliding down the slides and all!
I tagged along for the day as she went to bike class.
The sad thing is Desty had some medical issues later in the day. Well, here is more info about Desty and her issues...http://www.wingsfordestiny.blogspot.com/

Day 3 started out early, but was a beautiful drive through Colorado and into Kansas. Kansas was a nice drive, but long.... taking most of the day. My plan was to stay in Topeka for the night.... but well, when I arrived, all of the hotel rooms were full. I mean, really? Topeka? So, I decided to just push on and drive through the night..... but a big thunderstorm halted those plans... and I ended up stopping in Kansas City. Then, there was a big accident in the morning that literally had traffic at a stand still. All to bring me to Indianapolis by nightfall and stopping to see the Cheney family.

Wow. I met Robyn at Ricks like 14 years ago. How funny to see her now, married to a great man, with 5 beautiful children. I had to say, I love her little ones! How could you not, they spoiled me with attention! I just wish that I could have spent more time with them.
Day 5 left me anxious for home. Indiana, into Ohio..... with me making a lot more pit stops from sheer boredom. I drove into Pennsylvania around 4 P.M. {yeahhhhh!!!!}
Now, my Dad moved since I was a teenager, to a little town called Aspers, just outside of Gettysburg. It is farm country. I mapquested exactly how to get there, even though I have been there on trips home in the past.I had to call my Dad to make sure I drove up to the right house!
Wow! I am so grateful that my car made it all this way! I am so excited to be home!