singledom

This morning, one of the thoughts that went through my head was, :"what would my life be like if I had married at a normal age?" Now, I realize, that my religious beliefs make normal a little skewed.... so, here is my breakdown of my single years When I was 18, I went to a church school, where I was kind of surprised at how much people talked about getting married - I was still kind of shocked that I was grown up enough to think of being married.... Then, when I was 20, I moved to Ogden... where I remember being told that I was getting older, I should be expanding my dating pool. Also, I remember attending a singles branch that had an "older" gentleman (he was 30!) At that point someone said that there really must be something wrong with someone to be single over 30! When I was 22, I moved to Salt Lake City, UT..... Singles were older, more sophisticated: it was awesome... but as time went on, I remember the dread as I did approach 30. I attended a congregation of only singles. I remember the fear of being called out - hearing that the Bishop would pull you aside after 31, asking you to find a new congregation. I made the jump to a family ward at 31 - and it was okay - because I still had midsingles events to go to. I stuck out a bit though, because I lived in a very family ward - and was pretty much the only single among them. Now, I am 37 - and, don't get me wrong, I have loved some of my single years! Now, especially being on the eastcoast, I am used to being the lone single.... scattered among the families. Now, I get the comments from the Bishop telling me that I just need to get married (like, you know, buying a pair of shoes!) Now, at least, if I was normal now, I would be getting divorced, right? So, I have probably missed quite a few stages... How about you, have any phases to add???

Words of the Prophets

Life is about learning, right? Recently I have had my testimony strengthened of listening to the words of the Prophets. It started with my father's suggestion to listen to segments of General Conference while I am at work. On the weekends, I have a job doing laundry at a nursing home. 16 hours of laundry - alone in the drab laundry room. I usually just bring along a radio - but I decided to listen to his suggestion - to my benefit. I noticed that listening to Conference sessions lifted my mood, making work less of a burden. {Let's just say the laundry is NOT glamorous, and somedays, truly gross!} I have listened to the few sessions on CD that I have, borrowed others, then relistend.... I have felt the Spirit, I have learned, I have Loved it! So, I will share a talk that touched me.... This is a talk by Jeffrey R. Holland in the fall of 2006 testifying that we have Latter Day Prophets that speak today... It first testifies that we do have Prophets to guide us today, that "It is true light shining in a dark world, and it shines from these proceedings." Second, it states how General Conference is a call to action. He then refers to the Conference session in 1856, when the church was directed to go and rescue the Martin and Willy Handcart companies. I love this statement: "As surely as the rescue of those in need was the general conference theme of October 1856, so too is it the theme of this conference and last conference and the one to come next spring. It may not be blizzards and frozen-earth burials that we face this conference, but the needy are still out there—the poor and the weary, the discouraged and downhearted, those “[falling] away into [the] forbidden paths” we mentioned earlier, and multitudes who are “kept from the truth because they know not where to find it.” They are all out there with feeble knees, hands that hang down, and bad weather setting in. They can be rescued only by those who have more and know more and can help more. And don’t worry about asking, “Where are they?” They are everywhere, on our right hand and on our left, in our neighborhoods and in the workplace, in every community and county and nation of this world. Take your team and wagon; load it with your love, your testimony, and a spiritual sack of flour; then drive in any direction. The Lord will lead you to those in need if you will but embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ that has been taught in this conference. Open your heart and your hand to those trapped in the twenty-first century’s equivalent of Martin’s Cove and Devil’s Gate. In doing so we honor the Master’s repeated plea on behalf of lost sheep and lost coins and lost souls." Finally - he spoke to me in this statement: "To all of you who think you are lost or without hope, or who think you have done too much that was too wrong for too long, to every one of you who worry that you are stranded somewhere on the wintry plains of life and have wrecked your handcart in the process, this conference calls out Jehovah’s unrelenting refrain, “[My] hand is stretched out still.” “I shall lengthen out mine arm unto them,” He said, “[and even if they] deny me; nevertheless, I will be merciful unto them, … if they will repent and come unto me; for mine arm is lengthened out all the day long, saith the Lord God of Hosts.” His mercy endureth forever, and His hand is stretched out still. His is the pure love of Christ, the charity that never faileth, that compassion which endures even when all other strength disappears. " I have been feeling hopeless, so this was like my Heavenly Father speaking directly to me. I know that I am not alone in what I am experiencing. It is part of life. I am grateful to be reminded of His mercy and His love for me. P

roommates

Lately, I have been realizing that I need to really have been trying to appreciate the blessings that I have been given. This includes my single life! One thing about my single life is that I have had a LOT of roommates! I have had such GREAT roommates, but for you: you get a brief synopsis... My first roommates: RICKS college: Sherri: my very first roommate, with whom I "clicked" with right away!, Julia, Lisa, Sara, Marci: a Pinterest sensation! Rebekah, Sabrina, Jess: I am always sad when I think of Jess. Even though she told a lot of lies to destroy my name and my life.... I feel that her need to destroy me was led by her eating disorder and my obvious lack of one.... Rose, and Devin. That is when I did a summer study abroad with about 30 women....in Yellowstone, in a huge cabin. Yes, 30 women- no men, for like two months with the exception of some road trips. That is when we truly showed how man crazy we were! Foothill Manor: a house at Ricks College with 18 women. Lets just say the estrogen became intense!Leigh,Robyn,Daciana, Leela, Anna, Larissa, Sherrie, Marryanne, Jacqueline: I believe she holds the record for number of engagements in one semester! Jennifer, Jen, Sephlin, Anastasia: check out her music!Laura, Tracey I lived in Provo, Ut Heidi, Michelle, Janet Then I moved to Ogden, UT where I lived with Andrea,Celeste,Lucinda: yes my childhood best friend!Marrian, Annie, Sharla & Cindy. I moved to Salt Lake City: Rebekah, Jessica, Jen, Heidi, Natalie, Michelle,Pam, Annie,Pillar, Elizabeth before I moved back to Ogden: Kathy, Lori, Kelsey, Jennifer, & Charity who walked around with a rat on her head: for reals! and back to Salt Lake Sarah, Melody, Suzanne, Melinda: who is more like a sister than a roommate. Tiffany, Ingerlis: who was the funnest roommate ever! Monica, Rachel, Gloria, Heather: who told more lies then I could count! I believed everything she said for so long... but then realized that she lied about EVERYTHING!!! {which is also why I had an imaginary boyfriend at the time!} Valerie & Debbie: who "lovingly" nicknamed me the "regulator" because I tried to help her and her fiance to marry in the Temple by constantly knocking on her bedroom door when he was over. I have never made so many cookies in my life! I just felt that they were a good excuse for interuption! Kathryn, Juliana, Larissa and Brittney then I rented a room from a friend and her young family. Then I moved into a beautiful house in Sandy, UT. I think the neighbors were concerned to have the house rented out to a group of single women. They always knew what was going on at our house! Stacey, Sarah, Brinlee & Trish. before I moved to an apartment in Turnberry Apartments. Turnberry was nice becaause so many LDS singles lived there. I lived with AnnaLaura there. So there you go: 70 -100 AMAZING women! All of whom shaped my life! I love you all!

A glimpse into the female brain...

I recently read an article discussing the addiction of pornography and how it is entangling boys younger and younger. I say boys because it claimed that boys are more exposed to it. Women also become addicted, but are generally not exposed to it as much. I would like to discuss that point in the article. I do not want to belittle the addiction to pornography, however, I do want to point out how different men and women's brains are. I can legitimately say that given the opportunity, I am not that interested in seeing the naked body. Not that I do have sexual desire - but it is not in the seeing that women become aroused. Now, show me a man who compliments me, appreciates me or wants to help me become a better person - and oh, baby! Show me a man who is genuine in wanting to cultivate a relationship by doing the little things, and I will not run away. Wow- show me a man who is chivalrous - and I might just drool a little. I also think that women have addictions - just in different areas. Given a computer - what do you think that I am going to look at for hours? Shoes, purses, dresses, ooh, is that pinterest? I am stuck! It might just be a few hours. I am grateful for this. I may be naive in saying this - as I have never even had the desire to view pornography. I am happy and proud to be a woman. I am a woman who is proud to be feminine. I am one who dreams of romance - not for the sexual - but for being treated with care and tenderness and {hold my breathe} love. {ooh... is that a website with modest dresses... I might be a while..... don't wait up!}

Thrifting is my addiction....

I was driving along the other day, thinking about life, and noticed the car behind me. It had a Marine license plate, just like my Dad's. It was a CRV, just like my Dad's.... wait for it... it was my Dad! Now, I was a good 30 miles away from home... and surprise, we were both heading to one of my favorite thrift stores. {I don't think the apple falls too far from the tree, huh?}
This is why I keep coming back...
In October, I bought this little silverware caddy on a $6.99 splurge...

it was still in the box.
I sold it on ebay for $65.00



Then, I took my winnings, and bought this:

can I just say that I have never been so in love with a piece of furniture in my life! It was a steal for $130. - but it was half price furniture day, so I got it at a giveaway price of $65.

Yes, I am a thrift store addict in a not so terrible way :)

Time...

I am writing today to say that I am grateful for time. I feel like I hit rock bottom here in PA. I have my family here and that is it. No friends, very little work and a lot of time. Yet, I feel that Heavenly Father has blessed me with this time, as a way of humbling me and as a way to really seek repentance. It has been a time where my heart has changed and where I have needed to search the scriptures regularly. I am grateful for this time.... :)

bitterness kills, gratitude heals

I will admit it! I have become a bitter old maid! Yes, when I see engagement posts on facebook, I want to gag; When I hear testimonials of how great their husband is for picking up the kitchen, etc... I just roll my eyes. I have let my bitterness shadow my heart and control my actions.
I will go back a few years. I am the girl who always dreamed of marriage and a huge family. I am the product of divorce, who dreamed of a marriage without all of the fighting. It almost become this idea to me, that if I was good enough, I would be blessed with a husband.
So as the years go by, and by and by.... the bitterness has built.
It has to stop!!!
So, I have decided to be greatful for all things single! I need to recognize the great things in my life as a single person...
to begin with...
free time
the time to earn my education
flirting... shamelessly :)
never having to share a bed
no one to answer to
freedom
even as I write this, I feel pathetic writing about this.... but ...

What do you at 2 A.M.

I am having a rough night... and tomorrow, well may be rough for me. I am laying in bed, listening to my Dad, snoring in the next room, thinking "this is my life?!?" I just woke up from a dream of my former life and just can't figure out where to go from here.
What do I do? Raid Dad's candy stash {which usually is not a temptation, since it is all dark chocolate and holds no joy for me!} and blogsurf... :) what else do you do at 2 A.M.?
I am having fun, adoring lives of much more contentment than mine.... especially with the Valentine's decor {love}! When I come across this idea...
http://housetalkn.blogspot.com/2011/07/pay-it-forwardget-your-gnome-on.html
My purpose in life has once been renewed and visions of a cupid gnome are dancing through my mind....

Time

I arrived in Pennsylvania on Thursday, September 15th at around 9P.M. I insisted on unpacking the car right away as a sign that I wanted my new life to start now. Now, has now dragged on....

Inspiration... my Dad has run a 5K pretty much every Saturday that I have been here.... the pathetic thing is that I can not run a 5K yet... I am working on it. I go running around here about 2 -3 times a week.
Now, it has been good to see my family. I have loved to be able to just drop by.
I have also seen that it is also good to be able to leave....
not that I do not love them.... but sometimes it becomes too much :)
I have been substituting for a Dual Immersion Spanish School and I started working for Eddie Bauer.
I just have a little too much free time....
I am working on that.

Its amazing how life changes like that *!*

A mixture of circumstance, a little homesickness and a twinge of crazy has brought me back to my homestate of Pennsylvania.
Well, I will start with my last day in Utah. I totally planned on just packing up and leaving - but well, it took a long time to get ready. I owe a big thank you to a ward member, Carolyn, my roommate, AnnaLaura, and some good friends, Melinda and Angie. They made a number of a number of trips to the D.I., getting rid of everything in my apartment. So that by 10 P.M. my apartment was finally cleared out.

Then Melinda was generous enough to let me stay the night at her place. Oh, Melinda, it was our last night together. We have spent years living together: sharing adventures along the way.
The trip was an adventure..... my car is, well, troubled and there were times that I would think... oh, if it will just make it half way...... See, it is burning oil... and it took just about as much oil as it did gas. Seriously!!! Every 100 miles I had to put a quart of oil in.... the whole 2000 mile trip!

I left on a beautiful Sunday morning.... and really, Utah, the construction sent me off. There was a detour, then construction on the detour....Agghhh. Day one took forever.... but it led me to Lafayette, Colorado, to see my good friend Tammy and her kiddos!
Day 2 well, it was fun with the Burton Family. Oh, I had a a good time. Desty showed me local park in the morning... can I say, don't you just love playing at the park! I had a blast chasing her around, sliding down the slides and all!
I tagged along for the day as she went to bike class.
The sad thing is Desty had some medical issues later in the day. Well, here is more info about Desty and her issues...http://www.wingsfordestiny.blogspot.com/

Day 3 started out early, but was a beautiful drive through Colorado and into Kansas. Kansas was a nice drive, but long.... taking most of the day. My plan was to stay in Topeka for the night.... but well, when I arrived, all of the hotel rooms were full. I mean, really? Topeka? So, I decided to just push on and drive through the night..... but a big thunderstorm halted those plans... and I ended up stopping in Kansas City. Then, there was a big accident in the morning that literally had traffic at a stand still. All to bring me to Indianapolis by nightfall and stopping to see the Cheney family.

Wow. I met Robyn at Ricks like 14 years ago. How funny to see her now, married to a great man, with 5 beautiful children. I had to say, I love her little ones! How could you not, they spoiled me with attention! I just wish that I could have spent more time with them.
Day 5 left me anxious for home. Indiana, into Ohio..... with me making a lot more pit stops from sheer boredom. I drove into Pennsylvania around 4 P.M. {yeahhhhh!!!!}
Now, my Dad moved since I was a teenager, to a little town called Aspers, just outside of Gettysburg. It is farm country. I mapquested exactly how to get there, even though I have been there on trips home in the past.I had to call my Dad to make sure I drove up to the right house!
Wow! I am so grateful that my car made it all this way! I am so excited to be home!

My new opportunity!

This week I went to a little party where I learned about Wildtree - actually, I fell in love with Wildtree! Wildtree was founded on the premise that food should be natural, nutritious, delicious and easy to prepare - all at the same time. Products are made with the finest ingredients available and contain no preservatives, additives, MSGs or dyes.
The party was a tasting party, so you can sample their products ahead of time.
Interested?
Check out their products here:

I will let you know when I have my first party!

P

New Adventure

Am I ready to live here ?

So, I just interviewed for a teaching position in Abu Dhabi. I really do not know if I can actually handle moving to a new country on the other side of the world. Especially with recent events in the middle east. MMMmhhhhh, is this small town girl, who has never left the country ready to leap across oceans?
P

Dad Update

So, my Dad gave me a pretty big scare. Well, I tend to worry about him anyway, but the idea of surgery scared me. I talked to him the day before, and he seemed really upbeat, telling me not to worry.
The next morning, I got the text from my sister explaining that it was much more then we had thought. He was having what was known as open heart surgery. He had one of the best heart surgeons in Pennsylvania. He was using a machine called the DaVinci. This means that they did not have to crack his chest, that the machine would go in and make the repair. [technology - wow!]
The text came in at about 4:30 A.M. I cried until 8 A.M., when my students came. It was easier to put my mind to work, and put on a happy face for the kids. I could not imagine life without having my Dad there for me.
The surgery went fabulously well! He did have to have a double bypass next. {He only has two arteries coming from his heart. Interesting!} They were going to wait until the following Tuesday, but since the surgery went so well, they did it the same day.
Saturday, he was able to get moved out of the ICU and into a regular room. The fam [minus me] all visited. He called me! I was thrilled!
I was amazed by the whole experience - it came on fast, and before you knew it- he was home. He went home on Monday and is doing great!

Wake Up Call

Last week I got a wake up call. My Dad called me to let me know that he is going to be operated on. Dad: who has always been healthy. The idea that he might not be around forever. I couldn't keep from crying, and I am sure he could hear it in my voice. What can I say, I love my Dad. I know that he will be okay.... but it just gives me a chance to brag....
My Dad is a family historian. He was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in 1978, and as soon as he dried off, he started researching his family history. This was like pre-internet days. Now he is serving a service mission, helping others with their family histories.
I love that I grew up with his example. My Grandfather died in 1980. After that, my Dad was always there for my Grandmother, Nannie. So, our summer vacations usually included reroofing Nannie's house, or her garage or building a cement wall. He shows his love through hard work.
I love that we have had time since I have been an adult to really talk to each other. Now, he has not always liked my choices. Leaving Pennsylvania was never in his plans for me. Even then, he thought I would be married within a year. {Okay maybe that had something to do with my giggly teenage years of doing young womeny type things like writing a letter to my future husband, and naming stuffed animals after my boy crushes.] But, he has always supported me. {And I think that I have always surprised him!}
So, I know that I am nervous about his surgery thing.... but I know that he will be okay..... and that I love him....

I have become a bitter old maid.

In Church this week, there was a talk given on Eternal marriage. Said talk was given by, of course, a newlywed. Now, the speaker gave a beautiful talk. Yet, in the audience I just wanted to gouge my eyes out and throw up. I do believe in Eternal marraige, it is just when it is presented as this beautiful, perfect blessing that I feel like I am being presented with like a delicious cake, and yet not allowed to have any.
Now, it is not for a lack of trying. I think that I have chased every eligible bachelor in the Salt Lake City region. It is also not only the fact that I am not married. It is that marriage in my family has never been a picture of perfection.
Yet, I do not like feeling like this. I do not want to be bitter. Yet it is how I feel....
I am a bitter old maid.

Can I just say that I totally rock......

Let me describe my Saturday.... After waking up and cleaning the entire house, I went running. Can I just say I ran a whole mile. WhooHooo! Now, some might say that was enough for the day, but no, I did more to save the world. I went to work, taking care of a young woman with cerebral palsy. I saved her apartment from flooding by yes, picking up the phone and calling the maintenance man. Now, as a teacher, and a caregiver, I love that I can make up any story that I want to make things fun. So, we became Cookie Banditos in reverse, and delivered homemade cookies to friends. The young woman loved it, and yes, I became the heroine again. My next act of heroic efforts was the trip to Costco. Have you ever pushed a wheelchair and dragged a cart in a packed store? Next, I literally saved the young woman from a tragic death of choking on a burrito, by giving her the heimlich. I mean this is stuff that I could not make up and would be published on the front page had it not happened while we were alone in her apartment. We then celebrated her living by riding the carousel at the SouthTowne mall.

If only you could acheive such tasks of awesomeness....

Now today I rocked by totally rocking an entire outfit from the D.I. [excluding underclothes, cause that is just gross.....]

Merry Christmas to me

I have to say thank you for all of my Christmas gifts... here are just a few.
See, we have this joke in my family. I am the lucky one, because my dad hates to spend money on shipping. So, while everyone else gets a hand chosen gift from wal mart from Dad, I get a check. So this is what you bought me dad: [I love it!] I was wise in spending the money. I doubled the value by buying a groupon to Nordstrom rack. This is where I spoiled myself with gifts from Philosophy. A skincare set with cleanser, moisturizer and eye cream (trust me - I need the eye cream. I mean the song says " I get lost in your eyes" NOT "I get lost in the bags under your eyes!") I love their bubble bath as well - and I LLLOOOVVVVEEEE bubblebaths........
Don't worry Dad - I did not blow all the money on girlly things.... I also got an oil change. I put the rest of the money in my 72 hour kit. (I thought you would like that!) :)
Santa made a secret visit this year as well. Not THE Santa, but my Santa. This clever santa, who has great taste, has kept his/her identity hidden for the past 10 years! Well, like THE Santa, has a huge heart, and I love him/her with all my heart! Santa gave me a cute change purse with the letter P on front - I love the letter P! :)
I was given a gift card from my boss at my cute maid, which I am totally excited to use - from Cameo College. OOOhhh, more pampering.......
Then, the cutlers gave me a gift card for school clothes...... which is totally spoiling me, since I have not allowed myself to look at clothes for months......
I was surprised with a bottle of PINK splash from Victoria's Secret..... OMG I love it... I have to keep myself from just randomly spraying it!
Melinda gave me a sushi set..... ooohhh, fun! But, do I trust myself to actually make sushi.... or consume sushi that I made?????
My sister and mom surprised me with a package...... filled with old family photos. A collection that has been lost for like 10 years. Plus scrapbooking stuff to go with it. (Did I ever mention that my lil sister, Susan, is like the scrapbooking queen?)
Ohhhh, merry Christmas! I had so much fun this year! I hope you did too....:)

Merry Christmas

I had a fabulous Christmas! For the last 10 years, it has been Christmas at the Cutlers. The Cutlers have been wonderful to me. I love that they welcome everyone at Christmas as family. I love seeing their kids and grandkids. You can see the love - allover! I love their traditions.
It only makes me a twinge sad thinking of how my family could be.
Now, all I wish is that I would have taken more pictures!!! :)

New Project: Family History

I love family history. I have been researching my family tree for years. Yet, in researching, I find that I have a lot of names, relationships and dates. Nothing about that person. So, this is my new project: family history with history. So, i will start with my parents, and work backwards........ here I go!

Feeling Crafty

Maybe it is the Christmas spirit, or just the time off for Thanksgiving, but I am feeling my crafty side taking over me. So, these are some of the crafty things I am planning on making:
Turkeys for thanksgiving!

Thanks to theidearoom.net for the idea!
I love these reindeer pops for Christmas as well:

Plus, I am excited to get started on Christmas gifts! Happy Crafting to all of my blogging friends!!!
P:)