singledom

This morning, one of the thoughts that went through my head was, :"what would my life be like if I had married at a normal age?" Now, I realize, that my religious beliefs make normal a little skewed.... so, here is my breakdown of my single years When I was 18, I went to a church school, where I was kind of surprised at how much people talked about getting married - I was still kind of shocked that I was grown up enough to think of being married.... Then, when I was 20, I moved to Ogden... where I remember being told that I was getting older, I should be expanding my dating pool. Also, I remember attending a singles branch that had an "older" gentleman (he was 30!) At that point someone said that there really must be something wrong with someone to be single over 30! When I was 22, I moved to Salt Lake City, UT..... Singles were older, more sophisticated: it was awesome... but as time went on, I remember the dread as I did approach 30. I attended a congregation of only singles. I remember the fear of being called out - hearing that the Bishop would pull you aside after 31, asking you to find a new congregation. I made the jump to a family ward at 31 - and it was okay - because I still had midsingles events to go to. I stuck out a bit though, because I lived in a very family ward - and was pretty much the only single among them. Now, I am 37 - and, don't get me wrong, I have loved some of my single years! Now, especially being on the eastcoast, I am used to being the lone single.... scattered among the families. Now, I get the comments from the Bishop telling me that I just need to get married (like, you know, buying a pair of shoes!) Now, at least, if I was normal now, I would be getting divorced, right? So, I have probably missed quite a few stages... How about you, have any phases to add???

Words of the Prophets

Life is about learning, right? Recently I have had my testimony strengthened of listening to the words of the Prophets. It started with my father's suggestion to listen to segments of General Conference while I am at work. On the weekends, I have a job doing laundry at a nursing home. 16 hours of laundry - alone in the drab laundry room. I usually just bring along a radio - but I decided to listen to his suggestion - to my benefit. I noticed that listening to Conference sessions lifted my mood, making work less of a burden. {Let's just say the laundry is NOT glamorous, and somedays, truly gross!} I have listened to the few sessions on CD that I have, borrowed others, then relistend.... I have felt the Spirit, I have learned, I have Loved it! So, I will share a talk that touched me.... This is a talk by Jeffrey R. Holland in the fall of 2006 testifying that we have Latter Day Prophets that speak today... It first testifies that we do have Prophets to guide us today, that "It is true light shining in a dark world, and it shines from these proceedings." Second, it states how General Conference is a call to action. He then refers to the Conference session in 1856, when the church was directed to go and rescue the Martin and Willy Handcart companies. I love this statement: "As surely as the rescue of those in need was the general conference theme of October 1856, so too is it the theme of this conference and last conference and the one to come next spring. It may not be blizzards and frozen-earth burials that we face this conference, but the needy are still out there—the poor and the weary, the discouraged and downhearted, those “[falling] away into [the] forbidden paths” we mentioned earlier, and multitudes who are “kept from the truth because they know not where to find it.” They are all out there with feeble knees, hands that hang down, and bad weather setting in. They can be rescued only by those who have more and know more and can help more. And don’t worry about asking, “Where are they?” They are everywhere, on our right hand and on our left, in our neighborhoods and in the workplace, in every community and county and nation of this world. Take your team and wagon; load it with your love, your testimony, and a spiritual sack of flour; then drive in any direction. The Lord will lead you to those in need if you will but embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ that has been taught in this conference. Open your heart and your hand to those trapped in the twenty-first century’s equivalent of Martin’s Cove and Devil’s Gate. In doing so we honor the Master’s repeated plea on behalf of lost sheep and lost coins and lost souls." Finally - he spoke to me in this statement: "To all of you who think you are lost or without hope, or who think you have done too much that was too wrong for too long, to every one of you who worry that you are stranded somewhere on the wintry plains of life and have wrecked your handcart in the process, this conference calls out Jehovah’s unrelenting refrain, “[My] hand is stretched out still.” “I shall lengthen out mine arm unto them,” He said, “[and even if they] deny me; nevertheless, I will be merciful unto them, … if they will repent and come unto me; for mine arm is lengthened out all the day long, saith the Lord God of Hosts.” His mercy endureth forever, and His hand is stretched out still. His is the pure love of Christ, the charity that never faileth, that compassion which endures even when all other strength disappears. " I have been feeling hopeless, so this was like my Heavenly Father speaking directly to me. I know that I am not alone in what I am experiencing. It is part of life. I am grateful to be reminded of His mercy and His love for me. P

roommates

Lately, I have been realizing that I need to really have been trying to appreciate the blessings that I have been given. This includes my single life! One thing about my single life is that I have had a LOT of roommates! I have had such GREAT roommates, but for you: you get a brief synopsis... My first roommates: RICKS college: Sherri: my very first roommate, with whom I "clicked" with right away!, Julia, Lisa, Sara, Marci: a Pinterest sensation! Rebekah, Sabrina, Jess: I am always sad when I think of Jess. Even though she told a lot of lies to destroy my name and my life.... I feel that her need to destroy me was led by her eating disorder and my obvious lack of one.... Rose, and Devin. That is when I did a summer study abroad with about 30 women....in Yellowstone, in a huge cabin. Yes, 30 women- no men, for like two months with the exception of some road trips. That is when we truly showed how man crazy we were! Foothill Manor: a house at Ricks College with 18 women. Lets just say the estrogen became intense!Leigh,Robyn,Daciana, Leela, Anna, Larissa, Sherrie, Marryanne, Jacqueline: I believe she holds the record for number of engagements in one semester! Jennifer, Jen, Sephlin, Anastasia: check out her music!Laura, Tracey I lived in Provo, Ut Heidi, Michelle, Janet Then I moved to Ogden, UT where I lived with Andrea,Celeste,Lucinda: yes my childhood best friend!Marrian, Annie, Sharla & Cindy. I moved to Salt Lake City: Rebekah, Jessica, Jen, Heidi, Natalie, Michelle,Pam, Annie,Pillar, Elizabeth before I moved back to Ogden: Kathy, Lori, Kelsey, Jennifer, & Charity who walked around with a rat on her head: for reals! and back to Salt Lake Sarah, Melody, Suzanne, Melinda: who is more like a sister than a roommate. Tiffany, Ingerlis: who was the funnest roommate ever! Monica, Rachel, Gloria, Heather: who told more lies then I could count! I believed everything she said for so long... but then realized that she lied about EVERYTHING!!! {which is also why I had an imaginary boyfriend at the time!} Valerie & Debbie: who "lovingly" nicknamed me the "regulator" because I tried to help her and her fiance to marry in the Temple by constantly knocking on her bedroom door when he was over. I have never made so many cookies in my life! I just felt that they were a good excuse for interuption! Kathryn, Juliana, Larissa and Brittney then I rented a room from a friend and her young family. Then I moved into a beautiful house in Sandy, UT. I think the neighbors were concerned to have the house rented out to a group of single women. They always knew what was going on at our house! Stacey, Sarah, Brinlee & Trish. before I moved to an apartment in Turnberry Apartments. Turnberry was nice becaause so many LDS singles lived there. I lived with AnnaLaura there. So there you go: 70 -100 AMAZING women! All of whom shaped my life! I love you all!

A glimpse into the female brain...

I recently read an article discussing the addiction of pornography and how it is entangling boys younger and younger. I say boys because it claimed that boys are more exposed to it. Women also become addicted, but are generally not exposed to it as much. I would like to discuss that point in the article. I do not want to belittle the addiction to pornography, however, I do want to point out how different men and women's brains are. I can legitimately say that given the opportunity, I am not that interested in seeing the naked body. Not that I do have sexual desire - but it is not in the seeing that women become aroused. Now, show me a man who compliments me, appreciates me or wants to help me become a better person - and oh, baby! Show me a man who is genuine in wanting to cultivate a relationship by doing the little things, and I will not run away. Wow- show me a man who is chivalrous - and I might just drool a little. I also think that women have addictions - just in different areas. Given a computer - what do you think that I am going to look at for hours? Shoes, purses, dresses, ooh, is that pinterest? I am stuck! It might just be a few hours. I am grateful for this. I may be naive in saying this - as I have never even had the desire to view pornography. I am happy and proud to be a woman. I am a woman who is proud to be feminine. I am one who dreams of romance - not for the sexual - but for being treated with care and tenderness and {hold my breathe} love. {ooh... is that a website with modest dresses... I might be a while..... don't wait up!}

Thrifting is my addiction....

I was driving along the other day, thinking about life, and noticed the car behind me. It had a Marine license plate, just like my Dad's. It was a CRV, just like my Dad's.... wait for it... it was my Dad! Now, I was a good 30 miles away from home... and surprise, we were both heading to one of my favorite thrift stores. {I don't think the apple falls too far from the tree, huh?}
This is why I keep coming back...
In October, I bought this little silverware caddy on a $6.99 splurge...

it was still in the box.
I sold it on ebay for $65.00



Then, I took my winnings, and bought this:

can I just say that I have never been so in love with a piece of furniture in my life! It was a steal for $130. - but it was half price furniture day, so I got it at a giveaway price of $65.

Yes, I am a thrift store addict in a not so terrible way :)

Time...

I am writing today to say that I am grateful for time. I feel like I hit rock bottom here in PA. I have my family here and that is it. No friends, very little work and a lot of time. Yet, I feel that Heavenly Father has blessed me with this time, as a way of humbling me and as a way to really seek repentance. It has been a time where my heart has changed and where I have needed to search the scriptures regularly. I am grateful for this time.... :)

bitterness kills, gratitude heals

I will admit it! I have become a bitter old maid! Yes, when I see engagement posts on facebook, I want to gag; When I hear testimonials of how great their husband is for picking up the kitchen, etc... I just roll my eyes. I have let my bitterness shadow my heart and control my actions.
I will go back a few years. I am the girl who always dreamed of marriage and a huge family. I am the product of divorce, who dreamed of a marriage without all of the fighting. It almost become this idea to me, that if I was good enough, I would be blessed with a husband.
So as the years go by, and by and by.... the bitterness has built.
It has to stop!!!
So, I have decided to be greatful for all things single! I need to recognize the great things in my life as a single person...
to begin with...
free time
the time to earn my education
flirting... shamelessly :)
never having to share a bed
no one to answer to
freedom
even as I write this, I feel pathetic writing about this.... but ...